Rejection from the System

Remember this: You are back in grade school and you have finally worked up the nerve to approach your crush and to ask them on a date. You have feelings of nervous butterflies in your stomach and your hands are warm and clammy. When you hear those words slip from your mouth, you immediately known that you've blown your chance...

In a recent blog post, I talked about how we were courting a new family doctor as my current one is so far away from where we live and I really need someone to do the well baby-checks after the baby arrives, plus to manage any thing that might come along in our health. Yesterday was our big blind date. Prior to meeting with the doctor we had to complete paperwork that detailed our medical history including any diagnoses, surgeries, medications, etc. I had decided to be completely upfront with her and listed everything, against my better judgement.

Plain and simple, I was rejected. This doctor works out of a walk-in clinic which has a firm policy that it does not prescribe pain medications of any type to patients. The unfortunate reality in my life is that I have multiple pain-inducing illnesses. My pain management doctor has been the one who has been prescribing my pain meds in the past for all of these conditions. In any case, the GP stated that a family doctor should have the ability to prescribe for you any of the medications that you are taking, and with their policy on not prescribing pain medications, they wouldn't be able to live up to the ability of being able to prescribe anything that would help with my multiple pain conditions. I countered with "But I don't need you to prescribe them" andwas still refused to take me on as a new patient. I feel rejected and almost discriminated against for having the illnesses that I do have.

What is a person supposed to do when they can't control the fact that illness sometimes is a (major) part of life? Isn't preventative medicine, in the form of having someone to complete your yearly physicals, etc, supposed to keep the cost of our overall healthcare down since hopefully long-term disease could be squashed before it became such? Are we supposed to outright lie in order to be able to get a doctor who would be willing to take us on as patients?

These are the questions that plague my mind at 3am. In the meantime I guess it's time to keep going on blind dates to look for the one...

Birthday Wishes

It's that time of year...again. My birthday. I've never been one to particularly enjoy having a birthday or to be the centre of attention at special gatherings. I'm more one that would escape to a deserted island if it meant that I didn't have to celebrate this day. However, one of the benefits of having children is that they remind you that "you simply have to celebrate mommy". Allright. You win. I will celebrate by writing my Birthday Wishes.

My first wish of the day: A pleasant home-care nurse. Today is an IV drip day. The IV port that was left in my right hand, I'm convinced just to make me unable to do anything at all, is a week old. Happy Birthday IV port. The only problem is that this particular type of IV port is only supposed to be left in for 4-5 days at a time. They are leaving it in because apparently no one can get a new line started on me. The nurse on Monday assured me that she wouldn't have a problem since she's been doing this 20-odd years and has only missed a handful of times. I just happened to be among those "one of a handfuls". She finally saw the point as to why the other nurse was asking for a mid-line, a more permanent IV port, to be put in. With any luck, I will get a nurse who can start a new line. If not, I might have to spend the day at the ER getting a new IV port put in.

My second wish: Sleep. My biological clock is preparing me for motherhood. At the latest, by 4am I have risen, even before the birds. While I do love a nice sunrise, which we haven't had a lot of due to the constant rain, I don't need to see it everyday. I can sleep for hour long stretches at a time, but can't seem to get any nice restful sleep. So that's what I'm also putting on the list.

My third wish: A new book. I'm looking for a new book that inspires me. It's been a while since I've picked up something that has touched my soul. I was inspired by Sidney Poirtier's book of letters to his great-granddaughter, but I'm looking for something more meaningful to me. The problem being, I just can't seem to think of anything off the top of my head that would be comparable to "the Last Lecture" or "The Peaceful Warrior" series. Hmmmm. I'll sit and scratch my head awhile longer on this one I guess. Recommendations welcome, as I still have a long 10 weeks of waiting here at home before Chloe arrives.

My fourth wish: For increased awareness of other people's suffering. Seriously, this world would be a much kinder, gentler place if we each remember that just because a person doesn't look hurt on the outside, they might be on the inside. I have "invisible chronic illnesses", I have mastered the ability to pretend all is well on the outside but can be a complete mess on the inside.

These wishes have been brought to you in no specific order other than what comes off the tops of my fingers as I type at 5am. I should be making the final wish of actually completing one of the many blog posts I've started about endometriosis and diet, but after all, it is my birthday....